At long last!

Dear Family, Friends... and Wanderers of the Internet!

I have been dragging my feet for a month at least in starting this blog. Typical me! So, to those of you who have been patiently waiting for this thing to materialize - thanks for hanging in there! :)

So, just a little background on me, and the reason I've been meaning to write this:

My name is Leslie.
I'm 38 years old (as of earlier this week).
I've lived in a beautiful old downtown Atlanta neighborhood for about 5 1/2 years (and LOVE it!).
I'm a chemical engineer (snort!) working part-time as an environmental consultant.
Married to Mike (my soul mate - absolutely!)... another engineer! Aerospace. (You should be a fly on the wall during some of our conversations about data and facts and logic and whatnot!) I'm sure I'll tell you all about him as I go along... but for now, I'm keeping this short.
We have 2 boys, Henry (3 years) and Vincent (1 year). Again... I could go on and ON (they are a constant source of entertainment)... but another time!

My life in the last 6 years has had many changes: I met Mike, moved down here, bought a house, got married, had two kids... all WONDERFUL things! But I will say that I've struggled a lot in finding that balance. You know that balance? Between the things you really love to do... want to do, and the things that you NEED to do? At the end of the day, though... after I do the things I need to do, I'm frankly just WIPED out!... and so, while I flop down to veg out, I have to hear that voice in my head running down all the stuff that I still didn't do that day, that I should have done and where does the day go???? blah, blah, blah.

So, anyway... 2007. Last trimester of my 2nd pregnancy. Had a new baby. Breastfed for 6-7 months. Then, got back to work, etc. That "new mommy extended vacation" was over, which actually felt pretty good. As 2008 neared, I felt "This is it. This is going to be MY year! I'm going to get it together. Get what I want. Get that damn balance. I'm going to be a better mom, wife, sister/sister-in-law, daughter/daughter-in-law, aunt, friend... "

Then in March, I was diagnosed with breast cancer.
Oh crap! Are you f'ing KIDDING me???

To give some perspective... I've got no family history. No risk factors really, other than I have them. Breasts. Oh Dammit! I completely forgot about that liability! Geez! I've been walking around all this time with jiggling time bombs!
... and evidently there's something there about not having babies until after 30 or 35 or something.

I'm never sick. I'll repeat that... I'm NEVER sick!!! (I don't count those seasonal annoying colds, which are probably not colds but allergies considering the air quality down here) So, you can imagine what mental gymnastics I've had to do in the last couple of months just to get my head around this. I NEVER saw this coming! Not in my wildest nightmares!

I'm currently undergoing chemotherapy. I've lost virtually all the hair on my head (and elsewhere - but yay! a vacation from shaving!) There is this light fuzz that has decided to stick it out with me for the moment. Almost like "Hey... we'll stay. Nobody has ever noticed us before. Let us stay and grow and have our moment!" I haven't the heart to tell them not to bother. They're cute... but peach fuzz does not a head of hair make! Oh! and so far, the eyebrows and lashes are standing their ground too! (knock, knock on wood!)

I will be brave and post some pictures soon!

I've completed 3 of 8 doses of chemo, which should end in mid-July. Soon after that, I'll be having surgery... likely a mastectomy ('cause I am NOT going to do this again!).

So, back to my original point. I started this blog in order to keep all of our wonderful family and friends, near and far... up to date and tapped into this experience. A place they can check in from time to time and read up on the latest goings on. Hopefully, I'll find something to write about OTHER than this blasted cancer thing!

Since this hit, I've received so many notes and phone calls and gifts... did I mention how WONDERFUL and SUPPORTIVE our family and friends are??? It has knocked me... all of us... flat on our asses! In a good way, obviously! Everyone has been so truly amazing! I only regret that it takes something like this for me to have started reconnecting in this way.

I also regret that I have just not kept up with the one-on-one communication with everyone - even emails! So, yeah... I feel very guilty about that and I hope opening up this blog will help in some way to connect us (or that at least the journaling part of it will be good therapy - even if I'm the only one who ends up reading this thing!)

Also, when I first found out... instead of FREAKING out entirely, I turned to Google (like you do!) and found MANY personal blogs from women (some way younger than me!) who have gone through the same thing. For me, it was a comfort. You can read the books and the websites about breast cancer, get the facts and all that. But reading about someone's personal experiences... being able to empathize and even laugh at the humor they found in all of it.... made it less of an unknown and I was able to put myself there. So, I also hope that this accounting of my experience will help someone else keep from freaking out.

So you... Yeah, YOU! If you are reading this. Don't freak out. It's fine. You are fine. You CAN do this. It's just a "thing" you have to deal with and then it's done. Onward and upward! Courage!

I've always said and will keep saying... my strategy through this is to keep on keeping on! Not forget that I am stronger than this thing. It has been served and will be killed before the year is over... and I ABSOLUTELY believe that laughter and a sense of normalcy is essential medicine!

Ugh! I could keep going and there's more to tell. But it's late and I'm getting up at the crack of my ass (I LOVE that phrase!) tomorrow to walk in the Komen Atlanta Race for the Cure. I'll post something tomorrow and share some pics!

Love, Leslie